Hands no longer tied

I was supposed to figure something out as soon as I started break. Well, I figured it out. I'm glad I didn't make a decision right away. I'm glad I waited. I'm glad I allowed myself to take a look at everything and not focus on a specific instance or situation. It's been a long time coming and it is just time for it to end. I'm doing it in the hopes that something better does exist. That something could feel better after 3 years. That someone could fit me better. Not that it still couldn't be him... Who he is right now and who I am right now just isn't working. And i'm thinking blunt and honest - that what we have just isn't good. And I remember how hard this was for me when I tried doing this a year ago, how scared I was of hurting him and how scared I was of the pain of being without him... but I know what I'm missing is who we were when we were good. And that going back would not be going back to that. It's just not working. And thats a fact. And it's not that I'm a quitter ...it became hard to be with him and I don't think it should be that hard. Whatever, I really don't want to get into justifying my decision, it's not what I want to do. I know in my gut this is the right thing to do and all I'm focusing on right now is that I have to stick to it. As horrible as it is, I've gone over reasons for breaking up with him way too many times and for too many years...it's not new to me, doesn't feel new, and i guess i'm used to the pain...or I just know what feelings/emotions to expect. Again, as horrible as that sounds... I haven't cried once today. I've stayed pretty busy with my family. Stayed busy making plans for myself...for my life. Things I want to do.

Hopefully I'll be better at being single than I was before I dated him.