I'm a PA-C!

edit: I wrote and saved this post almost 2 months ago and completely forgot about it. But alas, it is here! Taddaaaaaa
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Took the PANCE. Passed the PANCE. I am now a certified PA :) It's oveeeerrrrrr!!!!!

I am thinking more about starting another blog. Things are kind of hectic right now as far as my schedule goes. I feel that if I start one I just wouldn't write in it very often again - so whats the point? I've got some ideas brewing though. As soon as I start one, I'll post the link here. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your support!!

Love,

Liz

Time for a new blog?

So. the PA student is no longer a student. What will I write about now?! Being a PA? Sounds lame and boring though I am easily amused and am sure I could share amusing stories. But alas, it is probably illegal.

So. I'm done with that program. with that school. with those people. I passed the last remaining assignments - and with flying colors. I gave them an academic version of the finger.

So. Instead of a PA-S, I am right now just a PA, studying to be a PA-C, coming this friday. The PANCE is friday. I could push it back at no cost. But alas I feel like I'll be ready to kick that puppy's ass and get that concrete "C" after my name. We shall see, but I'm feeling pretty good about it so far.

The next, and last post, will be when I receive word of passing the exam (or dare I say not passing..). It shall be a great post :)

I definitely want to continue blogging. I'd probably actually write more with the new blog as I definitely won't be busy. So I could open it up to you my readers (if there are any of you left) to give me suggestions. What would you like to read about that I could write about, hm? Let me know ;-)

DONE - for REAL!

I'm done with PA school!! Foreveeeeer!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!

Employed!

Oh snap, forgot to let y'all know: no longer looking for a job cuz this lil lady GOT THE JOB!! (The one i was talking bout in my last post) I have been hired as their new Emergency Room PA. Boo ya. And the offer was very nice - yay money cuz i'm so poor and a MILLION dollars in debt.

Now back to packing - I move tomorrow!

The first ending

I passed the practical with an 85 (well over the 65 I was aiming for!). And I graduated yesterday. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! :) I'm ECSTATIC.

I never thought I'd get here. The last couple of days have just been amazing. I got to see my parents since they moved to California. And living the day without the stress of feeling like I should be studying - feels amazing.

I do have a clinical rotation to do for 4 weeks (Aug 30 - Sept 24), a 5pg paper and an 50 question exam, but I am so not worried about those things. The worst is over. I completed and passed the hardest 2 years of PA school. The biggest challenge is to pass the boards (aka PANCE) which I plan on taking early-mid October. And then I will be a certified Physician Assistant. *does a lil dance*

Oh, and I also need to get a job. Although I've been applying and interviewing like crazy and some employers say oh yeah you're my favorite you're totally in...I still have not heard from them. So. on to the next one.

I'm currently sitting at starbucks, not studying, catching up on fb, twitter, blogs, etc. It feels so good.

So this is my update for now. Hey, maybe I'll post twice in one day (gasp). Later ;-)

Aaaahhhhh

I passed the 3 exams I took last friday.

The practical is tomorrow. Studying with a fellow student tonight cuz we're gonna kiss ass.

Banquet (aka PA school PROM) tomorrow night. Getting my hair and nails did cuz I didn't for my senior prom (boo but yaaaaay). The manfriend is going and he's a shirt and tie that matches my dress. i'll try and show a picture of it. if not, i'll just post a picture of me in it from the banquet in a later post ;-)

1 assignment stands between me and graduation. [that does not include the rotation I have to do in september and the paper and test i have to take after that but STILL this is SOMETHING!]

k laterz

Do not feel defeated

I haven't heard back about the exams I took friday. But. After alternating between panic attacks and serenity this weekend, I've come to this conclusion:

Don't give up, you've come too far.

That's for me, regardless of what happens. And hopefully you can use that too.

good night. <3

Wasted wednesday

K fine, so I didn't write yesterday. Ima write TWICE today to make up for it :-P

Yesterday was a busy busy day. Putting together and mailing a bff's birthday package. Prepping for the presentation my group had to give. Let me just say I didn't start studying until after dinner at 9pm. I studied for a couple of hours while drinking beer with the manfriend (well he had Guinness) and then got into an intense discussion bout an insecurity I've had for sometime (1. i pick the worst times to bring stuff up. 2. that is a story for another post 3. i realize now maybe the drinking had something to do with it...), he went home, i called him, had it out on the phone for 30 minutes, made up, and then I laid in bed for an hour unable to fall asleep. I've been having difficulty falling asleep lately. I'm sure it's because I'm stressed...because I have a lot of things to do and not enough time to do it. It would make sense that my body would try and keep me up so I could "get it all done". Silly body. Stop it, thank you.

So i'm bummed about yesterday. Because I only had to be at school for about an hour in a half, prep for it for another hour in a half, and I still, ALL DAY, got only 2 hours of studying done.

So if you're the judge, based on the fact that I wasted my Wednesday and only studied for 2 hours, 2 days before the exams, you could fail me solely based on that fact.

So now Ima sit in class and go over questions. Class 9am-4pm. Shoot me. lataaahs

Guardian Angel

To be honest, I've been freaking out the last 2 days. Thinking while I've been sleeping. Yah, that bad.

Deep down I had been feeling like I was just gonna fail these exams and the practical. I studied hard for exams and the practical and failed them anyway. I'm so used to getting that email saying,

"Liz,

Unfortunately you failed the Ass component of the comp with a 32.6%. blah blah blah blah remediate on Thursday, August 7, 2036. blah blah blah study harder blah blah blah you suck blah blah blah your children suck blah blah blah your grandchildren suck blah blah blah.

God Bless,
Satan."

This is an issue because - do not underestimate the power of positive and/or negative thinking. I have to be positive in order to pass this stuff. I just know it. And that positivity was so not there.

I decided to stop by my advisor's office. This lady has just been a God send during PA school. Has always believed in me, shows favoritism towards me, special treatment - always stood up for me during every single ASP meeting (total of 5 meetings, thats a lot). While everyone was saying Liz maybe you're not cut out for PA school, you're gonna be a shitty PA - this prof was there saying Liz has shown me she has the knowledge and the heart to do it and she's put forth the effort to do well. "I believe in you Liz, you know this stuff, stop doubting yourself and getting nervous during the exams and practical and just get it done. You can do this, I believe in you." It is literally this lady that helped me pull A's out of my ass all the last month of the spring semester of the first year to be able to go on to the second year.

So I sat in her office. Just said, "I was wondering if you could go over with me what I did wrong during the practical to kind of help steer my studying for it?" And this lady pulled out my practical packet, and my grade for each station, wrote down what stations I did worst in and told me what I missed. An hour prior to this interaction, a classmate of mine had just finished bitching about her because she went up there to ask her for some pointers and all she gave her was "Look at such and such a book and you'll be fine". But there she was, took a whole 20 minutes of her time to go over this stuff with me. And let me tell you people - thats exactly what I needed. For ONE faculty member of that stupid program to show an ounce of heart to redeem them in my eyes, to show me that what I was doing was because of a DECENT group of people. Not cuz they're assholes toying with me like a marionette! It is common knowledge that they hate our class; a few people are disrespectful and they generalize the image to us all and treat us like shit. Ask any one of us - we'll tell you.

So. I got my positivity back. :) I sat there as she quizzed me on what I had missed and I clearly knew all of it - stupid nerves! It was good to hear myself answer her questions [correctly]. I showed myself that I do know this stuff. I can do this. Believe in yourself, you got this.

Now, pray for me. hehe.

Panic

I just need to make a list to prevent a panic attack from coming on.

1. the fact that i have to retake exams and a practical that i studied hard to pass the first time around.
2. being scared i wont pass the retakes since i studied just as hard and didn't pass them the first time around.
3. classmate got a job I interviewed for and nobody bothered to even let me know they had gone with "someone else"
4. the only offer I've gotten is half way across the country.
5. it feels like everyone has gotten at least one offer where they want to work at/in.
6. everyone is celebrating saying they'll be done aug. 14 and i won't be. i have another whole month left.
7. people have gotten 2 or 3 offers and I've had 4 interviews and have only gotten 1 offer.

Ok now that I got that out and cried over it. On to the positives.

1. My Yale interview went really well and theres a big chance they might make me an offer for the ED.
2. I have a loving, understanding, HOT, and fun boyfriend who cooks for me bcuz I don't have enough time to and has enough money saved to cover me for when I move, do not have an income until credentialing goes through, and to pay for the PANCE. No he's never been married nor does he have any kids. Yes, he is a God send after 2 years of hell.
3. I sold my tv stand this morning. It's one piece of furniture off my hands to make the move easy. And I made $15.
4. I've sold 6 books on amazon.com and made $170 which allowed me to have enough to cover rent + utilities for August.
5. I've lost 11 pounds since I turned 25. I'm 4 pounds away from my goal for graduation. Ultimate goal is to lose another 15 pounds after that so that I will be at the healthy and ideal weight for my height and ethnicity.
6. Took a 21 question exam on the pediatric cardiovascular system and didn't do as bad as I thought I would. Meaning, studying for these 3 exams on friday isn't impossible. I told myself that all I can do is work hard study hard, perform well while I'm taking the exams (as far as controlling text-anxiety, etc) and thats the most that could be expected of Liz Ortiz. ya know?

*sigh* So the positives make me feel better. I need to forget about the people around me. Ignore them. I graduate a month later because I took a month off while everyone was still working their ass off. This is only fair. Regardless, this is my life and I make of it what I want. I am the main character, this story is about me. God has given me gifts and strengths and I was born with/developed weaknesses. But that is life. So live it, liz.

Countdown begins

I'm seriously considering making one of those chains out of construction paper that kids make in school when they're counting down to Christmas or something. If I do it, I promise I'll post a picture.

So the white coat ceremony is August 14th.
Practical August 12th.
3 exams August 6th.

The nasty part of it will end August 14th. THEN, I just have a 4 week rotation (because of the "vacation" I took in March/April). A 5pg paper and exam at the end of that.

The official end ladies and gentlemen is:
SEPTEMBER 24th

So, that means 2 construction paper chains. :o) As I am counting down to 2 things. Well, that's not counting the date when I'm taking the national exam, the PANCE, but the date for that hasn't been decided by mua and is a story for another post another day.

God willing everything go right on the exams, the practical, and the paper - September 24th WILL be the end of PA school my friends. Can you believe it?? I sure can't.

Work hard, Liz, work hard. Until then, I will be a hermit. Just so you know. But, I'm going to write in here everyday to keep myself sane.

i see the light

made the mistake of posting on fricken FACEBOOK that i got 3 interviews. now everyone in my class knows about it. and people have started to ask, "o o o where are they?" blah blah.

i don't like people knowing my business. especially my classmates. all except for 1 or 2 are selfish/self-centered bastards that showed me no kindness or even an ounce of friendship during the last 2+ years. That being said, I don't even want their jealousy.

Also, I don't want to jinx myself by having so many people know about my interviews. I am superstitious like that.

anyways. so yeah. i'm not failing out of pa school anymore and i have 3 interviews :p

boo ya.

Cannot believe I've gotten this far...

I'm a 3rd year PA Student!!!!

and I AM graduating.

3 months baby.*smooch*

I will survive

So technically it was only one night of alcohol, and I couldn't even down the 2nd shot of tequila. So, total was one shot of tequila and then a sex on the beach. Given my low tolerance, I had a nice buzz goin.

So I'm feeling better. I won't have to go to ASP again. I'll probably just have to retake the exam, it won't set me back as far as having to graduate later. Unless they really want me to.. so it all depends on this meeting on friday.

PA conference started today; it's a 4 day thing. Gonna meet my PA boyfriend there tonight :) He's been helping me study and I hate when he says "I am so glad I have my license and am done with this program sh*t" - bcuz I'm not done yet and don't have my license! But seeing him and hearing his stories bout patients everyday helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel and know theres a great life after PA school - can't wait to get there!

So one week left of my "suspension". Things on the list:

1. Finish medicine paper (UGH)
2. Study in preparation to retake Internal Medicine exam.
3. Update resume to start applying for jobs (listen fools, I know you're secretly snickering "psh if she even makes it!")
3. Actually put away a month's worth of laundry.
4. Do 3 weeks worth of laundry; make sure I put THOSE away.
5. Clean room!

That is all. For today: wash sheets, mani!, bank, pack, make a dent in putting clothes away.

no such thing as luck.

it wasn't one exam. it was 2. failed one. passed the other. meeting on friday to discuss remediation.

i. hate. PA. school.

theme of the weekend: alcohol.

Can't wait till it's not about the grades

If I managed my time better and actually stuck to schedules I set for myself, I'd say I'd be able to calmly type out my thoughts on this blog just about every single day. But, since I do not,I end up writing once a month...or the day before an exam when I should be studying. ...as is the case today. ha.

Yes, i'm still in the program. Surprise surprise. I haven't failed miserably quite yet. Though if I do not pass this 100-150 multiple choice question exam focusing on Surgery and Internal Medicine tomorrow. That will lead to me to being in the class of 2011 and not of 2010. So that being said. I had 3 weeks undisturbed to study for it. I studied for at least an hour or two a day, sometimes 3-4 hours and have studied for 5-6 hours everyday this week. Today is my last day to cover topics I haven't looked at. And hope that if theres a question on one of those topics, I choose correctly. The goal is to get at least a 70% on this exam. And I believe it is feasible. If it's a fair exam. I'm not that stupid that I would get less than the 70%. However, if they choose mostly crappy obscure questions, well then odds are against me. And I'm not sure I would want to stay in this PA program and deal with it for another year. Maybe I'd drop out, strip for a couple years to pay off my loans, and then go to school for performing arts or just art. And my well to do husband will support me until I become a successful artist (or maybe writer?). While we live in northern california with our chocolate lab, Lindt...

Hm. We'll see.

Hasta luego.

Thoughts on the medical field

I don't have the time to write this entry. But when do I really, since I could always be doing something to increase my fund of knowledge about medicine. So, I'll write today anyway.

Where do I start? I have thoughts on the medicine field as far as doctor vs. physician assistant, the specific rotations I've been in and currently am in, how PA school has affected my life, how the program I chose has affected my life...and then theres the current state of my soul/heart.

I'm currently in my surgery rotation. The way that a teaching hospital works is that there are attendings - doctors that are no longer being taught, evaluated, and graded by a school. Residents - 2nd year, 3rd year, 4th year, and 5th year doctors that are. And interns - doctors that just got there MD, and do all of the dirty work for the residents and attendings such as write all the notes, carry the pager and answer all of the inquiries/sugggestions of the nurses. And then there are medical students. Normal joes and janes who are in grad school trying to get the MD. so they're pretty much like PA students. Except they got 2 years of desk teaching while we only got 1. Regardless, med students are above pa students. And here's the kicker:

Actual PA's, the ones that have been working in the field for at LEAST 5 years, still stand below those residents and *drum roll please* - below the intern! *gasp*

I see how these "Students" (cuz thats what they are) talk down to my preceptors who have been working in the field longer than these people have been in SCHOOL, they've seen more, experienced more, and still they're treated like wanna be's. My preceptor's neice is deciding between PA school and Med school and he is pushing her to go to Med school because of his 18 years of experience of "never being part of the group" cuz he didn't have an MD after his name. And this breaks my heart. Because i DON'T want to be a doctor, I really don't, I would never willingly put myself through that unhealthy lifestyle for 8 years!! I'm struggling enough as it is in my 2 year program - holy crap you'd have to institutionalize me!! Geez. But I have to accept that this is the dynamic I'm going into if I decide to work at a hospital. (I don't plan to work at a hospital, but I'm sure this dynamic occurs at small practices as well, it really depends on my supervising physician) It's also tough to see. These little chitlins being rude to "my people". Lately I've been giving my 4th year resident attitude cuz he can be a legit ass sometimes. I realized he finds me attractive and have used it for my personal gain - to humble his little butt. lol I crack myself up.

Anyways. thats another thing. Remember sweet, innocent, quiet, super nice little liz? (maybe u don't...wouldn't blame u) Well, she no longer exists apparently! Holy wow, I have made my inner self's jaw drop a few times. for some reason I've decided to just voice every and any thought in my head (which is usually a sarcastic, criticizing one) no matter who the listener is or who it's directed at. Even if it's my preceptor or one of the attending surgeons! I actually got an "as a student, you should hide when u think a task is stupid or unnecessary, you should do what we ask u to, it is for your learning benefit" on my mid-rotation evaluation. Ok, they're right, but see here's my reasoning. I AM TIRED OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. And maybe this comes from the kind of year I had last year (personally), but I don't want to be used, or treated like crap, or seen as naive. There it is. I don't want to be seen as naive.

And that comes from the ways that my PA program has treated me. And I'm tired of it. But there's nothing I can do about it. So maybe in places that I can do something about it, I take the ooportunity. Like with the residents I work with or snotty surgeons... and sometimes mean preceptors. But the way the program has wronged me is for another day. That is all for today. Buenos dias amigos. Vaya con Dios.

Relient K - Let it all out

This is my heart right now..

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Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed

cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you

and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light