I'm tired and I can't concentrate and I can't think straight and I have an exam tomorrow and I only got 3 hours of sleep last night and it looks like the same thing's gonna happen tonight and I'm so tired and I have no motivation and I don't know what to do and I don't know how to do it and i have no confidence in my methods and i'm started to lose confidence in my abilities and i'm lonely and i'm alone and feel alone and i'm so tired my eyes just get watery but i can't cry, the tears won't come, they won't flow and i think my body knows that it's not time yet and it won't let me because right now i love me more than i feel anybody else does and so it's being my best friend and holding me up.
i knew this is what it would be like and i was dreading it and i walked in here like a person being led to a big tub of boiling oil which they're supposed to get into. i knew it would be this bad but i hoped it wouldn't be but i knew it would and i was freaking out. and here i am, at the worst it's ever going to get (so i hear) and I knew it would be this way yet it's nothing like I imagined because you can't imagine this you see, if you've never experienced anything like it before. i've experienced the emotions just not in the same intensity or in the same combinations and it's all new yet not surprising. i'm just so tired.
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