Guardian Angel

To be honest, I've been freaking out the last 2 days. Thinking while I've been sleeping. Yah, that bad.

Deep down I had been feeling like I was just gonna fail these exams and the practical. I studied hard for exams and the practical and failed them anyway. I'm so used to getting that email saying,

"Liz,

Unfortunately you failed the Ass component of the comp with a 32.6%. blah blah blah blah remediate on Thursday, August 7, 2036. blah blah blah study harder blah blah blah you suck blah blah blah your children suck blah blah blah your grandchildren suck blah blah blah.

God Bless,
Satan."

This is an issue because - do not underestimate the power of positive and/or negative thinking. I have to be positive in order to pass this stuff. I just know it. And that positivity was so not there.

I decided to stop by my advisor's office. This lady has just been a God send during PA school. Has always believed in me, shows favoritism towards me, special treatment - always stood up for me during every single ASP meeting (total of 5 meetings, thats a lot). While everyone was saying Liz maybe you're not cut out for PA school, you're gonna be a shitty PA - this prof was there saying Liz has shown me she has the knowledge and the heart to do it and she's put forth the effort to do well. "I believe in you Liz, you know this stuff, stop doubting yourself and getting nervous during the exams and practical and just get it done. You can do this, I believe in you." It is literally this lady that helped me pull A's out of my ass all the last month of the spring semester of the first year to be able to go on to the second year.

So I sat in her office. Just said, "I was wondering if you could go over with me what I did wrong during the practical to kind of help steer my studying for it?" And this lady pulled out my practical packet, and my grade for each station, wrote down what stations I did worst in and told me what I missed. An hour prior to this interaction, a classmate of mine had just finished bitching about her because she went up there to ask her for some pointers and all she gave her was "Look at such and such a book and you'll be fine". But there she was, took a whole 20 minutes of her time to go over this stuff with me. And let me tell you people - thats exactly what I needed. For ONE faculty member of that stupid program to show an ounce of heart to redeem them in my eyes, to show me that what I was doing was because of a DECENT group of people. Not cuz they're assholes toying with me like a marionette! It is common knowledge that they hate our class; a few people are disrespectful and they generalize the image to us all and treat us like shit. Ask any one of us - we'll tell you.

So. I got my positivity back. :) I sat there as she quizzed me on what I had missed and I clearly knew all of it - stupid nerves! It was good to hear myself answer her questions [correctly]. I showed myself that I do know this stuff. I can do this. Believe in yourself, you got this.

Now, pray for me. hehe.