"Lonely[girl] spotted at the ob/gyn floor in bridgeport...."
Hehe, gotta love gossip girl. Anyways, clinicals are going well. I've done about 9 c-sections, and helped deliver one baby naturally. It was uh-mazing. And I will never have kids, no sir.
However, a big, big difference between this new academic year and the last is that..drum roll please..i have free time. And while this was nice the first week or so, I've been struggling now. I can stay busy most week nights, but once friday and saturday hit - I'm a mess. I'm able to keep this focused mindset for about 3 days, thursday it starts to waver, and friday i work hard to be strong up until 10 or 11pm and then craaaash. And saturday ends up being worse. I've been defined lately by my fickleness. I choose to think/feel a certain way and then days later (sometimes even HOURS) different feelings or thoughts come up. It's like I can't stick to something. It's become so bad that I'm considering either buying a Joyce Meyer book or joining match.com. The joyce meyer book because she seems to know how to make women shut up and get a hold of their emotions, and match.com cuz it'll keep me busy and give me something to do.
i just want to stick to one thing. i truly believe I don't need to be with anyone and then out of nowhere it gets hard to breathe and there I am feeling sorry for myself. why can't I just be OK with my decisions? of not being with tim, of never seeing ricot again? of focusing on SCHOOL, and studying on a friday night instead of wanting to be hanging out with someone? why can't i just be happy/content? it's moments like this where i wish i didn't have free will. God, just MAKE me do it please. thx. [i hope he listens]
that is all for now folks. i'm sure i will write another post soon on how i screwed up again. 8-6 on the labor/delivery floor awaits... buenas noches
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3 comments:
I sooooo understand...I have this decision in my gut made, He isn't the right guy, probably not worth my time...30 mins later...but he is nice...and cute and maybe its not so bad....remind me what i am waiting for...Hunny its not you, Its being a freaking girl. Do yourself a favor avoid match.com... also, I love gossip girl too. I am lonely girl to... how do you break up with a guy you aren't dating, but are kind of talking to, but can't hang out with anymore...lol oh dear...and I am sooo jealous you have delivered a baby.
Let me know how that worked out for you...maybe we should collaborate...I am still making a plan....
I have considered both joyce meyers and match.com seriously haha. I know how you feel. I don't know what I'm going to do when I finish working on my album.. I hope things get better for you liz. =0)
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