The vague entry

It's about time I updated this thing.

I realize that I never explained my "crazy comeback" that got me into 2nd year. But I made it. I scored in the 90's on most of the exams and got above an 83 on all of them. Exams that were back to back! At the time I remember acknowledging, "this is such a God thing". That didn't stop me going down the path I took this summer though...

Regardless, summer is over. fall has come and soon will go. And I established my new beginning. I haven't necessarily backslid as far as steps I've taken...but definitely in things I've thought about and states of mind I've had. I've learned so much about myself though. And honestly, that was exactly what I set out to do this year...know myself...decide who it is I want to be...but acknowledge and embrace who I am right now.

i know what i want. i'm picky. but my emotions make me fickle.
i'm picky when it comes to men. but my emotions confound my once clearcut criteria. so i fall. then wake up picky again.
i sabotage possible relationships for one reason or another...haven't quite put my finger on it yet.
i have an outrageous need for affection and physical presence.
i need time alone to re-energize.
i can't read people as well as I thought i did.
i am sinful - growing up in a "be righteous or u won't go to heaven" environment, I was pretty good at doing what was right, so I never really got to know my dark side thus not really believing it existed.
i have a dark side.
i'm mostly attracted to this type of men -> "lets hang out...but I'm not really looking for a gf"
and the "I'm 25, 6'4, play basketball, HOT, and may or may not have a college degree and don't have any plans for my future. oh and I'm not cultured"
that means i'm not gonna be married before 30 lol
and last but not least, i believe in God. just don't know how to love him again...

Things are going well in rotations. I've passed every exam so far and gotten awesome evaluations from my preceptors. I am currently doing Internal Med which I lovingly like to call the "I don't know shit" rotation. Cuz it is on a daily basis (multiple times a day) that I am reminded of that. when a patient is laying in front of me comatose and his ammonia level is through the roof and I have no effing clue how I could have avoided that and don't know what the frick Lactulose's mechanism of action is... yeah. Feel free to fill me in. Anyways.

My roomie alicia has her rotation in NH this time so I'm all alone in my apt for 6 weeks :( Not good for the "liz cannot be alone for long periods of time" thing. However, it's only been a week in a half and I actually kinda love it :P Walking out of my room naked if I'm too lazy to cover up is kinda fun, not gonna lie.

September count for boys: 4 (trust me, learned my lesson)
November count for boys: 1 :) date this weekend. This one falls under the second one of the categories I listed above.. ugh. but I'm trying not to assume. we'll see.

So thats me. Hope things only get better from here...