I hope I get kicked out

Behavioral Med exam: 78

Ob/Gyn exam: ...63

The space around me swirls and for a second I stop breathing. My world collapses. No I did not pass out. I might as well have.

I've lost all sense of time. I don't even want to figure out when these exams were. I know they were on the same day... k I remember, they were on tuesday of this past week. I'm not in the mood to go into it or talk about it, as I've definitely moved on and am looking ahead and have already dealt with the meaning of it and what I'm supposed to do now. Just thought I needed to document it on my PA school blog. So there you have it.

Happy New Year to me

I failed it: 74.

But thats ok. I expected to legit fail it, like a 50 or something. And a 74 really isn't that bad for my first exam in the class - I can totally come back from it. I did stay up all night and felt like complete crap the entire next day. But I can come back from this.

Again, the point is that it's over. I didn't study the way i was supposed to, I'm dealing with the consequences - a 77 and a 74. And now I take it day by day and make sure I be a good student day by day. And I have been. I've been more organized, have paid more attention in class and have started making better decisions about my personal life.

Tim and I are talking again. I busted my knee 2 mondays ago playing basketball and flipped out bcuz i was so stressed and it was the last thing i needed. I text messaged him the story while crying hysterically and he called and talked me through it and calmed me down for an hour. It was exactly what I needed. We've been talking here and there since. Mostly just him checking on me and my knee and how i'm doing with school. The issue is gonna come back up again though...him wanting to be with me and my answer still being no and us having to put that distance between us again. I still love him...I just know we aren't supposed to be together right now. maybe even ever. But I don't see how I could not have him in my life. I want to be able to get to the place where we can keep in touch and truly be friends. Because he was my best friend for 7 years before we had started dating...I really don't want to lose him.

Anywho, I'm being a better student, making better decisions for myself..I'd say my New Year's day was on monday when I started legit studying for an exam lol My new year resolutions: Eat healthier. Stay active* (as best I can). Be the best student I can be. Work on Liz.

*My knee: some guy kicked my leg out from under me trying to steal the ball away from me = blood effusion in my knee. My profs think I tore my ACL. I'm praying and hoping it is only a sprain...because I don't want surgery :( And my life is difficult as it is, I really don't need this. I got an MRI yesterday morning and showed it to one of my profs and he said he didn't have much experience in reading MRIs (??) so he didn't give me much information. I go next week to meet my orthopedist so he can give me my diagnosis.

I have a group presentation to give today on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered patients. It's been wicked interesting researching it and doing my part.

Anyways, it's an 8am-9pm day peoples. Adios..

What's everyone doing for Valentine's day? Tell me :) [and i'll tell you...]

I've been a bad student.

There is nothing I can do about the past. Except do things differently NOW. I can't go back to have studied more for these exams. I just have tonight and the time before the exam. So I'm going to use it wisely.

Yep, exams are back. Have at least one exam every week. I had one today. Have one tomorrow. And I was the worst student in the world up until...this morning I'm gonna say. LOL (but not really) This morning I studied efficiently, I was able to concentrate, and I covered a lot of things. I've had trouble concentrating in the past and staying focused and being motivated at all to study. So I just didn't study.

I got a 77 on the exam. 1st exam of the semester: failed.

I have one tomorrow. I am still in class. Until 9 pm. Then class at 7:30am. How much time does that give me to study? 9-10 hours? With no sleep. That's just what I'm gonna have to do. And I have a feeling I'm gonna fail this one too.

But my point is that I can't go back and change that I didn't study. I'm gonna have to deal with it and work with the
time I have. And then work hard to catch up so I can be the kind of student I want to be and know I can be.

*sigh* there's nothing else you can do liz. just work with the time you have. forgive yourself and work to change and be better.